I’ve had a depressing couple of days.  I admit it, I’m not hiding behind it.  I struggle with demotivation and depression sometimes.  All of my goals seem so big and unobtainable.  My house has more mess than I feel like tackling.  The kids school work is taking twice as long as it should have.  I don’t want to have to go to work.  I hate that I have bills that require me to go to work doing something that I don’t want to do.  This kid has an attitude, that husband didn’t magically get up and do all the things that I was mentally willing him to.  Blah, blah, blah. Poor me!

Now, that I’ve had some time to wallow in it.  Also, the fact that I did wallow in it, that’s just another thing to make me want to scream.  Anyway, now that I’ve given into the depression for a day, it’s time to pull myself out of it.  I’d like to personally thank Demi Lovato for her always inspiring selection of music to get me off my arse.  Many thanks.  Music, the right music is amazing for the soul. I’d also like to thank the makers of my “Calm” app for keeping me in check.  I may be feeling too depressed to get up and clean the toilets, but I could take the time to get in some much needed meditation to help keep my mind on the right track.

I’m feeling much better, and I don’t even think I’ll kick myself for taking all that valuable time out of my life to let myself indulge in the ugly.  Sometimes, I need to be lost in my head for a day.  Giving myself time to sort out my shit mentally, so that I can be better.  I need clarity to know what I want, where I’m going, and what is not important.  It helps me resolve to my actual goals.

I took a look at my vision board this morning.  Growing a year harvest of corn was on there.  Guess what, groundhogs…while cute animals, were horrible this year!  They ate every plant that sprouted.  That’s ok!  It’s something I wanted a few months ago when I planted, but honestly, it wasn’t super special to me.  I took it off my board this morning.

Running?  I actually love it!  I want to continue to run a couple miles a day!  However, I don’t care if I ever run 13.1 miles.  I took the marathon picture off of my vision board, and I’m replacing it with running shoes. Just because I don’t want to run that far and for that long, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to run!  I enjoy it.  It’s like meditation in motion.  It seemed like a good goal at the time, but I didn’t give up on it, I just curved it to what works for me.

These are the only goals that weren’t really fitting, but I’ll find a passion to replace them.  When the right goal comes along, it will stay on the board until I complete it.  It isn’t giving up or doing a disservice to myself to find that something works better.  In fact, I’ve discovered that I like running, but trying to force myself to do it more than I really want, would take the enjoyment out of it.

So, here I go, on a Thursday, closer to the end of the week.  Every single day, no matter where it is in the week, is a perfect day to start all over.  I’m going to put in a full days work, and be grateful that I have this job.  That’s it for me today. That’s all I need to do, is find the joy in what it is that I’m doing, find my grateful vibes.  Tomorrow, I’ll get up, and I’ll have a normal day, and I know that I will.  I’ve lived with my mind and body for thirty seven years.  I know it pretty well.  I knew that I needed to take this time to work on my mind, and I did, now I can move on.

I hope that anyone reading this will give themselves a break for everything that they haven’t done.  It’s ok to change goals, or not meet them as fast as you want.  It’s ok to take time for mental health.  At the end of the day, there is so much to be thankful for, and it really is GOING TO BE OK!

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